attack of the harpies

Posted on November 9, 2008 by admin 1 Comment

The theme of this week’s omnibus was very definitely the mental female of the species. And where shall we begin?

Back to me…

Queen of the crazy bints was the second eldest Mcqueen. Now we know she has been through a lot lately – discovering she has a secret psychotic elder brother, the Battle of St Eustace and the harsh reality of Mercy and Tony’s illicit night of unwanted-baby-producing lovin’ (which must be particularly galling given her barrenness).

But does she really need to be such a self absorbed drunken ho about it? When she wasn’t getting pissed and assaulting Il Gnosh customers she was shoplifting, neglecting Baby Max or wandering round the village like some care in the community.

Worse still (and we still cannot get over the eww factor) she shagged creepy Mark Gasgoyne. Get rid of this barren harpie! we screamed at Tony and thankfully he did.

The b*tch is back

Oh yes, Louise wasted no time getting back to her crazy beyatch ways, immediately cracking into the vino (one large glass of red and one bottle of Sancerre = 12 units) and, via a pair of (presumably clean) random knickers, wrongly accusing the luckless Cindy of being Warren’s fancy woman. Now that Cindy is going all Nancy Drew to identify the treacherous vag that has been enjoying Warren’s close talking…Mandy had better watch out!

McQueen face off

It’s been a while coming but the Vile Niall-fallout finally hit the McQueens. Myra blubbed. The hivpit looked super hot. Insults were thrown (“You dirty little mongrel!”) and Nan McQueen was thrown out. Even the normally placid Carmel put the boot in. Great stuff, like an exceptionally chavvy episode of Jeremy Kyle, just with scotch eggs.

Btw – hadn’t Tina been a little too long dead for an open casket? Mmm, minty fresh!

The men

While the women were a hissing pit of vipers, the men of the ‘Oaks were all shades of rubbishness:

Calvin: the world’s worst husband finally returned to his bereaved, traumatised wife. What a hero!

Nev the racist dad had a busy week: bought the The Dog, screwed over Frankie and Newt by moving them into his council estate slum and revealed that his plan for increasing business at The Dog was to dress his children up as sailor whores.

Mark Gasgoyne: his pursuit of Carmel put on hold due to the return of PC Plod, he turned his creepy attentions to Jacqui for the aforementioned shaggage. So sleazy even we feel like a shower and a trip to the local STI clinic. Eww!

Mr Roy: Leila and Ravi’s dad scares us a little bit. How is he suddenly the headteacher of HC? How is he suddenly the owner of the Ashworth’s house? Why is he stalking Josh? And what’s with the warty things on his face?

Baby Charlie: while Frankie and Newt were busy packing up and moving house, Baby Charlie was nowhere to be seen. Lazy little sod.

Archie the new posho student: totally random and not at all attractive in a swimming cap.

Warren: weirdly manic when he broke down the door at Evissa to rescue a locked-in Mandy. Maybe all the exertion was too much for him, what with his pie-only diet.

Newt: starting to look rather hot? We think we would. Becca would be proud.

Film student moment

The Baby Diegos have a black and white return to form in Josh’s imagination. And even in that reality Rhys is still a tw*t.

Quotes

“You’re dead inside” Carmel to Jacqui. Not entirely accurate, as there must be quite a lot of Mark Gasgoyne’s creepy seed swimming around in her.