hot stuff on a cold morning
Twas a cold and snowy morning in London as WLH snuggled up on the sofa for this week’s T4 omnibus. Having had to endure the torture of missing last week’s omnibus we were apprehensive at having missed out on a weeks’ worth of events. Would we understand what was going on? Or would we be confused, bewildered and slightly terrified, like a child watching a David Lynch film?
Happily, the hollyverse doesn’t work that way. The only thing that slightly baffled us was why Dom is suddenly living in Nev’s council estate slum with Ste and Justin?
The hotness
There was a lot of tasty crumpet floating around the village this week – first and foremost being Ravi. Being ‘greedy’ certainly suits him cos he is looking gooooood! Other fitties of note: a boob-flashing Hannah, a Dita Von Teese-alike Sarah, an unusually sober and thus very pretty Louise and a bikini-clad Leila quite literally stopping Justin in his tubby tracks. Foxy mamas!
CSI: Chester
This week we were treated to a behind the scenes look at Chester’s law enforcement, lead gallantly by ratfaced pervert Mark Gasgoyne. As he unveiled the latest plan to raid the Loft (much to Calvin’s horror), two burly, armed officers – inexplicably wearing balaclavas even though they were still in the station – nodded in approval. F*ck yeah!
Husband of the year
Calvin continued his campaign to destroy his marriage by accusing poor Carmel of adultery, getting on his high horse when she confessed to buying the mystery condoms for Lauren (a bit rich, considering he is a drug enabler!) then abandoning her to the creepy care of Mark Gasgoyne. If he wasn’t quite so buff we would be baying for his blood!
Warren and Calvin sitting in a tree…
When he wasn’t being an utter tw*t to his wife, Calvin was indulging in some tender moments with the close talker. Longing looks over bottles of weisbrau, secret phone calls to give him the heads up about Chester PD’s latest raid, declarations of their trust for one another…we suspect their bliss might be short lived, given the OMG moment below…
Heeeere’s Johnny…
Whilst we’re on the subject of Warren, is he or is he not looking increasingly like Jack Nicholson in The Shining? There’s something about that manic, toothy leer…Anyway, the whisperer was on top form this week, managing to get the shags in with both Louise and Mandy – in the same hour it seemed. How does he do it?! Do the pies not weigh him down?
Even better, he embarked on the most audacious act of criminalism we have seen in a long time, giving Mark Gacgoyne the beats with a lump of wood in a park. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT! AND NOT EVEN IN DISGUISE!! Hip hip hooray!!
The Roys have landed
First there was Ravi, then Leila, then scary Mr Roy. Now the newest ‘Oaks family have swept in to suddenly become one of the most influential families in the village – from headmastery (Mr Roy), to Evissa (Mrs Roy), ownership of Relish burger bar (Ash) and school pupilage (Anita). A new power is rising. Bring on the family trauma.
Random brand beer watch:
Other than Warren and Calvin flirting over some bottles of weisbrau, Ste, Justin and Dom enjoyed many a can of biergrad in the council estate slum.
Quotes:
“Have you ever bought sanitary towels?” Zack questions Gilly about the intimacies of relationships.
Film student moments:
Crazy 50s musical starring Calvin and Carmel, the Justin-Leila-Gilly triangle and Warren and a somewhat aggressive Louise.
Justin and Leila’s Bollywood wedding.
Gilly’s ironic flashback when Leila asks if there were happy times at the Ashworth’s house, featuring Hannah anorexified, dodgy uncle Noel and Rhys getting decked in the incest fest.
OMG moment:
NIGE LIVES!!!!!!! It’s all been part of Warren’s masterplan to get Calvin under his thrall. Genius. More importantly, our fave drug enabler is back and order has been restored to the hollyverse. Finally.
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