baby theft #fail

Posted on August 23, 2009 by admin No Comments

Cup of tea. Toast. Hangover. Yes, it’s time for this week’s Hollyoaks omnibus!

After months and months and MONTHS of scheming, marital strife and spiked Kia-ora, Daniel and Abi’s nefarious plot to sell baby Lucas finally kicked into action. Hum. Was a bit rubbish, wasn’t it? They aren’t going to be usurping the Childcatcher any time soon are they?

Happily, after their plan was foiled by a crime-fighting superforce of Sarah, Zoe, the DILF and a returned Natty (one word: shameful), a rabid Daniel was carted off by the filth and Abi scampered off into the night. We think Abi will be back. She was sooo blatantly the evil brains behind the Kidz with Kidz child traffiking scam. Daniel was just a monobrowed patsy. Powered by her barren womb, Abi will stop at nothing to get what she wants – be it shagging drugged up ratboys or leaving her own hubby to take the fall. (Another) Evil blonde villainess? Yes please!

Anyhoo Ste’s Gary Jules-soundtracked reunion with his son was really rather moving, we do hope he will finally get some peace and quiet. He may be a ratboy but we think he’s been a bit of a hero of late (and a rather hot one). Aww.

One question from this whole debacle remains for us unanswered: where the f*ck is Leah?

In other news:

Gilly tries to woo Steph with some New Look shoes. But then throws them in the pond! Noo, that’s £20 wasted!; Steph and Fernando get the shags on; Darren has a rubbish birthday, awww. He is a Leo (*consults horoscopes to see if we are compatible*); Darren sports a fetching purple leopard print/leather tie combo; his missus Hannah looks very pretty as usual; Josh fails his A-levels and is thus reduced to attending HCC; Michaela and Zack pledge their devotion to each other in a bizarre ceremony on the shores of the pond, involving singing and H Samuel tat; Rhys is still a twat.

Film student moments

Trainspotting homage/rip off as a spiked  Ste remembers happier times (or rather a montage of he and Amy’s ‘best bits’: living in the squat, underage romancing, hair mutilation etc) to the tuneage of Perfect day.

Crisscrossing skateboards are used to signify Ste’s EMOTIONAL CONFLICT as Natty reveals Daniel and Abi’s dark past.

Fantasy sequence as Gilly dresses as a prince in a bid to impress black widow Steph.

Quotes

“Hush little baby don’t say a word, daddy’s going to buy you a…something”, a harassed Ste fails basic lullaby literacy.

“Incest?” Darren’s apt response to Rhys’s demand for the ‘magic word’.

“We treat ‘em well and word gets out” Daniel explains his customer relationship strategy for tapping into the lucrative barren couples market.

“Aw, not them again…*tuts*” our omnibus companion Eimear’s reaction to yet more Abi/Daniel/Ste/Baby Lucas dramas.