thoughts from a hungovered brain

Posted on September 12, 2009 by admin 1 Comment

Too much red wine and baileys on friday night meant that we were perhaps not in the right frame of mind for saturday’s E4 omnibus. Like, totally not in the right frame of mind. Cos EVERYTHING about the ‘Oaks f*cked us right off:

• Josh-Hayley-Rhys love triangle. WHO CARES?
• New nose Steph’s Mob’s dramas. See above.
• Anita discovering she is adopted: discovering you wern’t related to Ash and the peanut filled condom would be cause for celebration in our books, not interminable teenage angsting. GET OVER IT.
• The Roy’s accents. Always been suspect but as they were in our faces so much they were hard to ignore: Parents super posh. 3/4 of the kids with Manchester accents, only for Ravi to have a rogue Sunderland-based accent. WTF??
• Des the geordie teacher. Bit of a smug twat isn’t he?
• Newt not taking his anti-mental pills. BEEN THERE. Unless this is heralding the return of Eli WE DO NOT CARE.
• Newt, Lauren and Anita running away ‘cos, like, no one understands them. Meh. Familar? This did at least give us a rare glimpse of the mysterious Chester bus service (destination unknown)

Anyhoo, there were a few rays of sunshine:

• Anita and Ricky’s deeply sweet moment of bonding over a white chocolate mouse
• The Roy’s permanently smokey house. Why?!?! A manifestation of all of their murky secrets and unspoken resentments? Or is someone just shit at making toast?
• Darren. Winding up everyone who crossed his path, from Jack (“He’s had that many wives”) to Nancy, who was reduced to beating him about head with a cushion in high pitched fury. Love him. So much.
• Cheryl. In pursuit of uber buff Calvin (did you see his torso? Did you??). Her one liner on giving him a free smoothie – “Fruits of my forest…It’ll sort you right out” – was pure genius. As Leo is now pimping out his own son in order to get some rent money from Cheryl, this romance can only blossom. Yay.
• Mad Bad Ash. Oh yes. The be-jowled one was on top form. Liar (about everything). Throttler (of Leila). Oversharer (of Anita’s parentage). Weird sexual tension (with Mrs Roy). Unmasked as a psycho (Leila telling the world about his mind fucking of Hannah). Poor employer (sacking Loretta from Tan’n'Tumble). Loiterer (hanging outside the Roy family home, spying into the kitchen). Disowned by the Roys because of the aforementioned, he tore up Relish, closed the Tan’n'Tumble and left the village amid a flurry of evils (from the likes of Rhys! pah!). Come back soon Ash, we will miss your inept evildoing.

That’s all for this week. Ta ra.