hollyoaks later 2009 – the finale

Posted on October 4, 2009 by admin No Comments

Knowing that NOTHING could possibly top Sarah’s spectacular demise, we tuned into episode 5 on 4OD wondering what they could pull out the hat…

greatest sleb cameo ever

Who needs half arsed appearances by McFly and The Saturdays when you can have Bonnie Tyler, the empress of powerballads no less, growling holding out for a hero in a demented dream sequence? Not us, thats for sure. If BT could only appear in our dreams to offer powerballad advice and spiritual guidance. IF ONLY.

what a beautiful wedding…

Despite Darren and poor barren Jacqui piping up at the lawful impediment/speak now bit, Tony and Cindy’s marriage went ahead. All seemed well, Mr Serial Monogamist had finally got hitched (again) and Cindy had changed her gold digging ways. That was until the initially inappropriate use of Panic at the Disco in the soundtrack was explained by Cindy’s twist in the tale, to the camera “suckers!”. Didn’t see that one coming. Yeah she’s a triflin’ friend indeed. Good luck Tony!

you got the love

Amazing cover of the Candi Staton classic by Florence and the machine at the end. Choon.

guns and drugs and stuff

The Skins-lite plot reached its climax at last. Via a brief but tense stand off at gunpoint, Rhys was released from the clutches of Kev and Blue, abandoning Imogen to her live of crack whoredom, and Hannah opted to stay with Jamie to live ‘the dream’. That is, until she discovered her new love’s ‘dream’ involved them being drug retailers and so she promptly flounced back to Chester. Poor Hannah, never had the best taste in men. And then she had the news of her bezzy mate Sarah’s squishing to come to home to. Not the best of days then.

the Lydia-is-psycho-plot thickens

While Sarah was being scraped off the field, Lydia was swiftly covering her tracks, spying on Zoe in various corridors, describing her as a sexual predator to the filth and then finally planting the incriminating swiss army knife in Zoe’s room before bloodily attempting to top herself. Zoe was meanwhile oblivious to the web that was being spun around her, instead finding time for some tearful grief sex with the DILF – is there any situation in life where Zoe DOESN’T end up having sex with someone? In any case, she was woefully off the ball when she was interrogated by a stern detective lady, and even more off the ball when she was later arrested and thrown in gaol. Ohdear. Could this be how Zoe leaves the ‘Oaks?

So that’s it, Later is over for another year. Can’t think of any ‘Oaksers who had a good time, infact an unhappy ending was pretty much had by all – but important life lessons were learnt we are sure. And that’s the important thing.