long time no see

Posted on December 21, 2009 by admin 2 Comments

Been off the grid for a while now (resolution for 2010: need a better work/Hollyoaks balance) but now we’re back for what is shaping up to be a tasty festive season for the ‘Oaks. So without much further ado: yesterday’s omnibus….

will they or wont they? Er, yes, they will

After weeks and weeks of fairly unsubtle flirting, Calvin and vacuum vag Mercy finally succumbed to their lustful urges, getting hot and at it in the Loft as a horrified Malachy looked on. Oops. Always lock the door people. ALWAYS LOCK THE DOOR. How will Mal react to such cuckoldry? Burst in there and tear the cheating pair new ones? Or scamper off to weep in an alleyway? Oh.

anita’s WEB OF LIEEEEES continues

Yep, the mini Roy’s career as tall tale teller continued this week, her porkie about being on the receiving end of some unwelcome MDMA courtesy of bug eyed student twat Dave resulting in his social pariahdom.

Now, as we’re sure you know, we have never been the biggest fans of Dave (if ever someone was need in a good kicking it was him) but even he didn’t deserve to be run out of Mobs by some judgemental proles.

So, false accusations of drug enabling and faked anorexia, failure to lose her V-plates with Dave and Ricky (you may remember her icky attempt to seduce him, dressed as Sandy when she turned into  slut in Grease)…just what is the point of Anita? To be the most annoying Hollyoaks character EVER?

Anyhoo, she may have met her match in the BTM stakes, having been targeted for counselling by uber drama queen Kris. Yikes.

the messers become the messees
Over at the Barnes household, things are getting a little bit odd and complicated. Zoe knows that Lydia is madder than a box of hammers and killed Sarah. Lydia knows she knows. And Zoe knows Lydia knows she knows. We think. Actually we’re not that sure what’s going on. Charlotte is clearly bewildered by it all, spending most episodes looking like a stunned panda. We feel your pain, Charlotte.

Btw, such skulduggery seems to suit Lydia. She is looking kinda…dare we say it…hot?

MYEYES!!!!
Frankie parties like its 1999 in a figure hugging, strapless blue sequinned dress. Ew. Frankie’s breasts have been causing much mental pain of late – PLEASE, FRANKIE, KEEP THEM TETHERED AND WRAPPED. For the sake of humanity.

in other news:
‘l heart gypsy jazz’ – niche music love on the sixth form whiteboard; Jake has the handwriting of a psychopath. Obvs; Cheryl sports an awesome santa camel toe.

So, on with this week’s flashforward fun. WE CANNOT WAIT!!!!