at the randomness frontier

Posted on March 31, 2010 by admin 2 Comments

Okay, so we like a good psycho storyline as much as the next person. Rob Hawthorne and evil Claire live on in our hearts. Part of us died with Vile Niall. Lydia is our ultimate style icon. So we are rolling with Caroline and her crazed Jake entrapment scheme, we really are, BUT….we just don’t get it! Where did she come from?!

This back story from Chester asylum, involving Charlie-branded H samuel tat, Mark the crippled mental health worker and sexual mania-fuelled breakdowns…so out of the blue it’s practically yellow. The weird amber glow of the caravan is perhaps an acknowledgement of this?

Anyhoo, Caroline’s bonkers plan continued a-pace today, turning the homici-diall (see what we did there) up to 9, first attempting some crazy murder/suicide shit by gassing herself and Jake in the caravan.  Going off that idea, she then turned her attentions to dispatching with her coat-hanger-in-the-mouth love rival Loretta.

We could only admire how she crept around the Osborne-Dean home, apparently going completely unnoticed by both Loretta and Frankie – not the hoppiest of bunnies in the basket, are they?

Trailing Loretta to the hospital, this enterprising psycho then took the guise of a slow walking nurse armed with a very big needle. Behold the slow walking – catch this episode if you can – no amount of words can do it justice.

So nutcase brunette v rubbish blonde face/off going on in Holly’s hospital room and guess what! Jake has freed himself from his hog tie and so must be on the way to save the day! We can’t wait. Really.

in other news:

Darren (swoon) and Cindy going out on the lash, resulting in Cindy dishing out some drunken hometruths to an unimpressed Mercy. We miss superbitch Cindy, bring her back; pre-lash, Darren (swoon) is caught in a kimono-fake tan situation and later wears a stunning turqoise bird print jacket with complimentary vest; Holly is STILL in a coma. yawn; Tony and Theresa continue to flirt; the gloves come off – in retaliation for Mercy’s Warren bean spillage, Calvin shuts down the Loft; instant karma – Carmel dumps Calvin; Mercedes and Mal decide to run off. Someone help them pack?

quotes

“You had such a big…heart” Caroline has fond memories of incarcerated Jake. Eww.

“Have you been with her? Everyone else has”, a gleeful/shitfaced Cindy spots a shag linkeage between Darren and Mercedes*.

“You know what I haven’t done in a long time?” Cindy ponders. Dye your hair? Put on make up? Not scare the beejesus out of everyone with your spooky face? (actual answer was ‘go clubbing’)

“I hate the way people speak to you. So disrespectful”, bleats Mal after Cindy’s hometruthing about Mercedes sleeping with all and sundry. Head. Sand, etc.

Slaters.

*did Darren and Mercedes actually shag? If not, we guess Mercy’s scorecard for the village’s current/living residents is: Mal, Calvin, Kris, Rhys, Ravi…have we missed anyone?