unconvincing declarations of sanity and some other stuff

Posted on June 20, 2010 by admin 2 Comments

Yo – so we caught up with last week’s Hollyoaks via Sky Plus. Clever innit? A bit like time travel.

bye bye loretta

All good things must come to an end and this week sadly heralded the departure of perpetual glandular fever sufferer and newbie nutter Loretta. Her crazed agenda to keep Jake all to herself initially got off to a flying start with a spot of  Mobs-related emotional blackmail and leukemia lies (leukemia being the disease of choice for all Hollyoaks faked illness storylines).

Not the best laid plan (sussed out by blunt tool Jake via a convo with Dom and a spot of research on random brand search engine Swoosh), she was soon being turfed out of the Osborne-Dean home, despite cooking Jake a nutrious meal and dressing like an extra from a brothel scene in Dynasty. How ungrateful. Her reaction was to desperately vouch for her sanity, “I’m sane!” she shrieked, rotund little face alight with madness, “I’m sane as -”, “Me?” was Jake’s uncharacteristically apt response. Nuff said.

Last seen bootie calling her next victim (“Greg”), we suspect Loretta has now been culled. And just when we were starting to really like her.

sadface times

So Steph had a bit of a bad week and was uncharacteristically stoic about it all. Tom was naturally perturbed at the prospect of yet another one of his guardians carking it and Gilly revealed that he thought the cervix was in a lady’s throat. What a numpty. The most moving part was, of course, when Darren showed up *swoons with tears in our eyes*.

when chavs ruled the earth

The rogue gang of council estate chavs from a couple of weeks ago returned to wage a campaign of terror that included brazen acts of littering, locking Michaela in a storage container and robbing Mobs/threatening Rae. Luckily, justice prevailed and they were soon being carted off in a paddy wagon under the smirking gaze of usually stern detective lady. Hurrah.

random factor

After a keeping a low profile for a few weeks, Tony and Cindy reappeared in a random storyline involving housebuying in South Wales and road traffic accident. Ehhhhhh?

WTF? alert

Our ears pricked up at a casual remark from Jacqui to Theresa about ‘that fella you were seeing has been sent down for GBH’…this was not our beloved Savage Garden gangster Kyle Ryder she was referring to? Please no.

in other news

Dom worries about being mocked for inadequate tomato stock; after a slow mo intervention by Carmel (“the worst thing I have ever seen” – Mr WLH), Theresa decides to keep her illegitimate love child. Expect this storyline to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on; Duncan and Ricky leer over Cindy’s arse whilst eating paninis; we spot potential romance between Ravi and Jem. Both like their physical combat (martial arts/illegal bare knuckle boxing) and are other people’s cast offs. It could work; it doesn’t take long to realise that Anita’s big toothed Emmerdale mum is as annoying as her unwanted daughter;

quotes

“Do you have any idea the state Anita’s head’s in?” Ravi asks a question that is sure to baffle psychiatrists worldwide.

“I wish I was more like you”, Duncan to Darren, speaking for all of us.

“You really have got it havent you?”, Duncan to Darren. He does, Dunc, he really does.