the new Hollyoaks opening sequence is here!
New term, new characters, new talent (if the trailer was to be believed) so Hollyoaks has tarted itself up with a brand new opening sequence complete with CGI, fruit and references to the Bible, serial killers and time lords – yes really.
So without much further ado – here is the sequence, blow by blow:
Here we go. Ooh, there’s a lady’s mouth replacing the opening blue eye – eating a cherry provocatively. Saucy:
Wise move. Bring out the big guns straight away. One word: swoon:
Next up: the Hutch being attacked by some cutlery:
A sex worker chic Jacqui manhandles some CGI butterflies:
Who he?
Bart dons a flat cap in the style of Sean Connery in The Untouchables:
The younger of the Costello plank sons larks around in the set from Girls Aloud’s Sexy No No No
A Hollyoaks opening sequence classic: the wink. Previously the domain of Zack:
Oooh, arty.
Mercedes eats an apple off a tree. Cos like the apple represents sin and like Mercedes is like Eve. You know, like in the Bible:
Rhys and a union jack. Why not:
Texas plucks petals in a provocative manner:
Ste looking cute as a button and apparently cornered by a stalker/serial killer:
The balloons remind us of the video for Kylie’s breakthrough 80s hit I Should Be So Lucky. We cannot decide if that means we think it’s a bit shit:
Another classic: the point
Riley kicks a football to remind us that he is a footballer. REMEMBER, LADIES: HE IS A FOOTBALLER:
Oh yes. YES.
We are glad Lee is back to stay:
One of our faves. Glad she’s packed her tits away though:
Our favourite bit: Jasmine explodes!
…as regenerates as a boy!!!!!! It’s like Doctor Who! Only better obvs:
Hollyoaks opening sequence classic #3: the turn and swoosh. Here demonstrated by Lyndsey:
OMG
Nooo not Rae. We thought she’d left? Or died?
That’s all we need – fucking Tom:
Gilly holding a stick for reasons unknown:
‘kay a bit bored now.
Another newbie. We are assuming that the Se7en-style scrawl around him is supposed to indicate that he is a bit clever:
Yay, a familiar face. No lounging in on a couch for Carmel this time, no:
Blimey. If Lydia and Charlotte had procreated their spawn would likely look like this:
It is Mitzeee who closes the show – hurling CGI diamonds in our face. Charming.
And finally the titles. Lurid.
Like a wannabe WAG on a night out to Panacea this opening sequence desperately wants to impress us. And it does, in a dirty encounter in an alleyway/deny it ever happened kind of way.
Perhaps what’s most noticeable is who’s absent: Steph (removing her before she’s even dead? Cold); Cindy; the Roys; Elliot; Jem; India; Charlotte and – FFS – Myra. WHY NO MYRA, the resplendent jewel in Hollyoaks crown?
PS – the new theme tune is frickin awful. Undo.
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Ms VB
613 days ago
The new theme tune is AWFUL, WRONG and its just going to have to grow on us. How unfortunate arghhhhh
HollyoaksHero
613 days ago
I never thought I’d say this but Hollyoaks was RUBBISH tonight. Not even it’s usual so-good-it’s rubbish but actually rubbish. NOTHING happened. Main storylines included delivery of a TV, Jamil refusing to believe Charlotte is gay (come on, Jamil), Carl being his usual over-protective dad-self, and Dom putting some chilli sauce in ketchup.
I DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE STUDENTS. Why is Lee suddenly a) back, b) a student again and c) claiming to be engaged when he’s as gay as Father Kieron (RIP). Jem is bloody awful and that American accent just doesn’t fit in the Hollyoaks village.
Where was Darren? And the MacQueens? And Cindy? I even started to miss Steph (Oh God).
The new titles are cheap and shit. The tune is unbearable and there was no close talking in the entire episode. Annoyed.
welovehollyoaks
612 days ago
@HollyoaksHero I feel your pain. totally. the new freshers are particularly gash. they even evicted darren! bastards. the only thing that gets me through it is knowing that student newbies are always rubbish in the beginning and only start getting good once the crazy shit starts happening – think will the board game throwing psycho, the rohypnol rapist, the explosion at the Dog that wiped out the geordie student and whingey student (olivia?)
it will happen. it will happen
in the meantime we have doug to keep us entertained. god, what a twat.
@Ms VB it will indeed grow on us. like a fungal infection.
Phoebe
558 days ago
OH HOW EXCITING ….. that Warren is back in the credits…..with his sssshing action….. the whisperer has returned
Anthony D. Langford
556 days ago
I love the new theme, just love it. I think it’s far better than the one we had, which I hated.