brendan watch: greatest hollyoaks scene ever?

Posted on November 7, 2010 by admin 2 Comments

Every now and then Hollyoaks throws something at you that is so demented that you feel you must have imagined it. Such is the case with a scene that occured last week. A scene so amazing we have to relive it word for word:

Brendan has invited himself into the council estate slum, declaring that they ‘need to have a little chat’ after Amy clocked him and Ste snogging in Chez Chez. Now, he and Amy sit across from each other in the living room. Brendan is perched on the settee, tea cup and saucer in his hands.

They look at each other awkwardly.

Both: “Ha!”

Brendan: *grinning toothily, he stirs his cup of tea, then taps spoon delicately. Raising his eyebrows he points at tea* “Thanks. Thanks for this, it’s…” *blows tea* “…so erm…” *sips his tea slurpily* “Mmm mmm…lovely. You’ve been spying on us”

Amy: “No”

Brendan: “No?”

Amy: “No. Ste, he mentioned he’d been seeing someone and this morning there was just something about the way you two were getting on”

Brendan: “Ye roit…” *leaves his tongue sticking out momentarily, the way cats do sometimes* “Ye”

Amy: “I’m just so glad he found someone so…nice”

Brendan: *mumbles something unintelligible and then laughs LOUDLY* “You, erm, so don’t know me” *laughs loudly again. His teeth look enormous*

Amy: *looks confused. Probably wondering whether giving him her best china was a such good idea*

Brendan: *still laughing, mumbles unintelligibly again and sips his tea*

Amy: “Look, Brendan…”

Brendan: *not laughing anymore, frowing into his tea* “Hm?”

Amy: “It’s fine”

Brendan: *darkly, putting down his cup of tea*  “Is it?”

Amy: “Uh huh. Don’t worry, your secret is more than safe with me”

Brendan: *open mouthed, deadpan* “Oh! Is it now?”

Amy: “Mm hm! Not a word” *zips mouth*

Brendan: *wipes imaginary sweat from brow* “Phew!” *laughs manically*

Amy: *sighing* “I’m just so pleased for the both of yer”

Brendan: *grinning a grin that resembles the sort you see hacked into a pumpkin on halloween* “Yeah!” *does a double FTW punch in the air*

Amy: *beaming* “Can I? Sorry…” *lunges over the room to hug him*

Brendan: “Oooohkay…ha ha” *accepts the hug unwillingly. Imagine trying to hug a cat you’d get much the same reaction. As the hug progresses, his frozen, kill-me-now grin abruptly stops. As he inhales loudly his hand starts to curl into the Brendan claw.

Amy: *releasing him* “Sorry!”

Scene ends with a stoney faced Brendan, looking like he feels utterly violated,  going for a tash stroke.

We have watched this scene repeatedly and it gets better with each viewing. Everything about it, from the lurid decor of Amy‘s living room, to the sight of Hollyoaks most bad ass villian delicately holding a tea cup and saucer, to Brendan‘s frankly demented laughter mark this out as something truly special.

Whilst every Brendan scene is paved with gold, we think this is the best Brendan moment so far and the greatest Hollyoaks scene ever. Discuss.

brendan watch

When he wasn’t having afternoon tea with Amy, our beloved moustache wearer was displaying a whole new range of Brendanisms:

A rogue bit of hair sticking out behind his ear like a horn, as he threatens Amy. An allusion to the devil, or a simple male grooming malfunction? You deciiide:

Further proof that he has supernatural powers. We now suspect he is able to teleport and/or time travel:  note how he was smooching Ste in Chez Chez one minute, arriving at Amy‘ s house for a spot of tea cup-based TV gold the next.  Plus how else was he able to suddenly appear in Amy’s living room to issue thinly veiled threats and hold baby Lucas in a sinister fashion?:

Performing knock knock jokes on aliens in a spat over an unplugged homing beacon:

Sniffing Amy‘s scarf. 80% swoon, 20% creature from Jeepers Creepers:

Inexplicably breaking up “scrapping women”:

Impatient, “talk to the ear” action whilst bullying Ste:

Thinking on his feet when caught abusing his lover:

“Aha. Just telling young Steven  here that he needs to toughen up, isn’t that roit Steven? Yeahhhh”, *Ste‘s little face in his hands, he forces him to nod* “Always getting yerself in trouble aren’t che?” *lightly slaps Ste’s face. Cackles. Looks at Amy. Looks at Ste. Smacks lips like a wolf would after finishing off the carcass of a baby deer* “Good talk” *sods off*

In other Brendan news, since he has now decided that the best course of action to hide his and Ste‘s affair is for both of them to publicly date girls, Brendan has resumed his squiring of India. India, it seems, is the girl nightclub managers turn to when they wish to go on sham dates in order to hide their homosexuality or illicit shagging of sister in laws (we recall Calvin doing a bit of half hearted India romancing too). We assume Warren already has her pencilled her in to draw attention away from some nefarious deed. Anyway, Brendan‘s advances have so far been limited to growling over her as she necks rose in The Dog, assuring her that he can “do special”. THAT LUCKY BITCH etc.

Anyway, we’re off to have a cuppa and might laugh like a maniac as we do so.