inferno week: the finale
As Boys II Men once lamented: and so we’ve come to the end of the road.
It’s taken us fecking ages to do this write up of the final day of Inferno week – we are blaming this on the too much red wine we drank on Friday. It broke us. Anyhoo, day 4 left us feeling a bit vexed, would the finale be any better?
“oi’m not a killer, Steven”
HOORAY we ended the week with a much needed Stendan-centric episode. In addition to more Brendanisms (see below), we discovered that, like a moustachioed onion, there are so many more layers to Brendan – sensitive, huggy,
twitchy in hospitals, and generally less grabby. In was understandable that Ste was suspicious, particularly when he learnt of Brendan’s pre-fire threats to Amy. Indeed, as they argued above her, Amy was forced from her coma by the sheer weight of the sexual tension in the room. Accusing Brendan of being the firestarter, Ste was soon convinced otherwise via some face stroking, forehead-to-forehead contact and close moustache proximity.
Brendan, if we accuse you of some horrific crime can you stroke our face too?
return of the Mac(ca)
Rather than being trussed up in a sex dungeon as we previously thought, young Macca is now a patient at Dee Valley Hospital courtesy of Brendan, wearing what is the WORST DRESSING GOWN IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION. Anyway, we couldn’t help but being annoyed when he shit stirred between Steand Brendan, even if he did speak the truth. Brendan is SO out of your league, dude. Move on.
brendan watch
Our regular update of all things Brendan:
“How did you get in here?” shrieked Rae, covering her unmentionables as Brendan burst in on a post coitus her and Ste. How indeed, but we have already observed his powers of teleportation and/or time travel. Our first question would have been “How did you know where we are?” He has either inserted some kind of tracking device on Ste, or he has all-seeing Eye of Sauron type powers. Either are likely really. Plus, is that a lightsabre we spy in Ste’s bedroom?
The return of Brendan‘s devil horn hair. Which also makes him look like he has been attacked by a bird:
Sinister door opening:
Fronting up to annoying hobbits. Note how despite his height advantage the forehead still reaches Macca before the rest of him:
The vein is back!:
Belligerent littering:
Beautiful, pensive close up. Can almost feel the bristles of his tash:
Up to no good Brendan, complete with over the shoulder up to no good nose twitch:
Swoon.
WTF? personality change alert:
Rae’s rebranding from snarling, Kappa attired chav into wearer of figure hugging knitwear and big Nadine Coyle hair.
The cause of this appears to be her ‘romance’ with Ste, which, as the strategically placed open condom wrappers attest, has now gone shagular. “I love ‘im!” she yelped at Macca later, apparently oblivious to the fact that their relationship thus far has consisted of Ste standing her up so he can go pashing with Brendan. Given that Newt had to mug her nan and participate in the underwhelming Rae-is-cursed storyline in order to win her heart, Rae has definitely lowered her standards.
fox off
Marketeers take note, this week Hollyoaks witnessed the most amazing example of brand extension ever as Warren followed up his dead fox calling card with a ‘foxed up’ balloon. At once both menacing and crap, we can only wonder in awe as to what he will come up with next. The head of Basil Brush in some
one’s bed? Corporate sponsorship by Foxy Bingo? The possibilities are endless.
Plus, what gives with the totally random scene with Warren and Theresa? “Somebody knows what happened and you are the only one who saw?” Well, whatever the machinations of Warren‘s return it was inevitable that a McQueen would be involved somehow. They get everywhere, like earwigs in a 1970s caravan.
Loved the way Warren exited with a “Shhhh”. That is clearly now his ‘thing’. That, and assaulting women obviously, his method of communicating with them apparently now restricted to sneaking-up-behind-them-in-a-darkened-place-and-covering-their-mouths-whilst-wearing-serial-killer-gloves.
in other inferno week news
Lucky us, we got to see the first of Steph‘s two beyond the grave doovdes. “Tom, look after everyone” she instructed the orphan, (we are assuming unintentionally) wishing doom on her family. The second video is set to premiere at her funeral. We are predicting it will feature her singing. She’s got form afterall, having previously yowled at the funerals of both Max and Sarah. Expect tears (of laughter) all round.
Yet more boring angry chavness from Mr Roach. Gilly, take your Liam Gallagher tribute act and do one. At least Darren stood up to him. Hurrah.
“How did you know I’d be here?” asks Gilly, when Darren finds him The Dog. Gilly seems unaware that there a limited number places in Hollyoaks village that offer an appropriate setting for brooding over the untimely death of your wife: by the fountain, the standing moodily spot outside The Dog and of course The Dog itself (Chez Chez and the SU Bar lack the required gravitas).
and finally…
We had been promised “a week that will change Hollyoaks forever” and while it certainly did seem to shape up as a spectacular annual cull Inferno Week has left us feeling more than a little starved of bloodshed.
There was only ONE death and let’s face it, Steph was knock knock knocking on heaven’s door anyway. While Amy and Malachy could yet succumb to their Unexplained Explosion Injuries, this wouldn’t be the fiery deaths we’d been expecting. Indeed we suspect Malachy would be dying to simply save himself from the horror of having a child with Mercy. And a trick was missed by not butchering Amber and Finn.
A cull it was not.
Something else that occured to us: where the hell was Taylor? He featured in both the Inferno Week poster and trailers but he was nowhere to be seen in the actual show – nor was his scary faced dad, despite being an uber suspect for starting the fire.
As for changing Hollyoaks forever, we’re not too sure how. Steph‘s death will obvs have a brief impact. Until she is forgotten about (unless you are Max, your death is rarely mentioned by your family. See Tina McQueen, Mum Valentine, Sarah, Beth etc). By the looks of it Tony is going to be suspected of insurance job arsony, but whenever a crime goes down, be it child disappearance or underage McQueen shagging, the chances are the Hutch will get arrested for it at somepoint. Other than that, the biggest affect we can see is Il Gnosh no longer being an option for reasonably priced dining solutions -and then there’s always Relish.
Still, though, what a week. Bravo Hollyoaks, we love you.
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lwjalden
550 days ago
Belligerent littering! I’m listing that has one of my hobbies from now on.
Yes, bit of a let down if I’m honest and I’d been enjoying the show up to last week.
Great reviews as always.
HollyoaksHero
550 days ago
Inferno week has left me with the same feeling that this year’s Hollyoaks Later did – how can I have watched this much and seen so little?
Plus, I was actually quite upset by Steph’s demise so must either be going mad or just so bored that I had to care about something.
Also – I know Warren is amazing (and I fancy him waaaay more than Brendan) but how the hell did he survive?
And since when did Theresa know about this? She’s hardly good at keeping secrets…..
ally
550 days ago
HollyoaksHero
You fancy Warren waaaay more than Brendan?
You have indeed gone stark, staring mad.
Maya
550 days ago
WLH gang! Sending you lots of love from the DS forum, your posts never fail to make me laugh like a manic, tea-drinking Brendan.
MrsLevinson
550 days ago
You fancy Warren more than Brendan??? (Gasps, keels over, dies). Warren is but the itsy bitsy swan vesta match light to Brendans towering, Olympic torch flame.
WLH, can you please put a health warning on your sight somewhere? Reading comedy gold such as your comments about Warrens fox ballon calling card should not be read whilst eating or drinking. I almost choked and died whilst laughing.
Love, love, loving the site, please don’t ever stop!
Katy
550 days ago
Thank you for the Brendan updates. The poor love must be wishing he hadn’t set up Ste with Rae. He needs to use his teleportation powers to get her far, far away from Ste.
Looking forward to your review of the toast-eating
Amanda
549 days ago
Is it just me or is Ste getting out from under Brendan’s hold too early? I’d have liked to see at least 3 or 4 more intense makeout scenes before the whole thing blows up. And Macca’s hair bothers me. It’s got a very combover feel to it.
MrsLevinson
549 days ago
I suspect Ste will be back in Brendans hold (and arms please God) sooner rather than later. He may think he has broken free of his magicians grasp but he’s merely kidding himself.
Yes Maccas hair is very odd, a boy in his early 20′s with a comb over is not a good look. Unless he is keeping his hair so awful to detract from the horror of that bloody dressing gown.
Siena
549 days ago
WLH can’t get enough of your posts on my favourite moustachied bad boy! You’re awesome!
Isabelle
549 days ago
Am looking forward to the surely inevitable Warren/Brendan close-talking stand-off more than the royal wedding.
I’m also in the Warren is fitter than Brendan camp – sorry!
Chris
549 days ago
Next time Hollyoaks, write the episodes BEFORE your dramatic advertising campaign claiming that “Hollyoaks will never be the same” when in fact it is, to all intents and purposes, pretty much exactly the same, bar the death of Steph which was going to happen anyway and to be honest I think it was preferable she died in a fire rather than in a poignancy-free bedside farewell with Tom blubbing and Gilly bellowing “nuuuuuuuuuuh!” at the unforgiving sky.
“Ooh, look at the cool flamey people. Nifty”
“Yeah. So, who’s actually going to die?”
“…I thought…I thought you were sorting that out…?”
“…..Bums”
Rach
549 days ago
“[The McQueens] get everywhere, like earwigs in a 1970s caravan.” HA! Utterly brilliant!
I missed Inferno Week, bar the first 2 episodes, but I knew WLH would provide me with suitably brilliant write-ups about it and I definitely haven’t been disappointed, thank you! And yeah the body count was disappointingly low. Not a cull at all, in fact. Not a patch on the fire in the Dog a few years back that saw off loads of characters (and ensured the Dog was rebuilt in a bizarre Tudor-Taj Mahal hybrid architectural style).