brendan watch: december 2010

Posted on January 25, 2011 by welovehollyoaks 6 Comments

So here it is, our Brendan best bits from December. Be warned: there are A LOT…

everything he said and did in The King of Hearts

It’s fairly safe to say that Brendan not only stole the show, but also also sniffed it, slapped it about a bit then had his wicked way with it in a dank cellar.

his fancy new bit in the opening sequence:

Brendan + clowns? It’s like something out of a Stephen King novel.

his by turns slack-jawed and gleeful reaction to a student being dangled from a clock tower:

this glorious, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it face off with Danny Huston’s henchman Gordon:

the moments when he clearly couldn’t be arsed about this shit involving the McQueens:

laughing manically at a phone then turning flamboyantly in his new, belted, Captain Jack Harkness-via-Papa-Lazarou leather trench coat:

HE WEARS AN EYEMASK. Give him a pet cat and he’s Holly Golightly:

His hitherto undemonstrated skills as a taxi driver. Simultaneously making unlicensed minicabs even more sinister but also just a little bit enticing:

Sniffing his ill-gotten gains. Inevitable really:

Swoon. He really is the king of our hearts. See what we did there.

never ever refer to Brendan’s close personal friendships with young men when there’s a hammer nearby

Bet Danny Huston is regretting that now eh?

We were probably being a bit naive when we assumed Brendan would be a cool, restrained killing machine. Safe to say he would be the worst assassin EVER.

That said, his unhinged attack on his former colleague in crime was a joy to behold, not least because of the sepia tinged flashbacks of ratboy and the furrowed brow look on Warren‘s big pasty face as he tried to work out what the hell was going on. There was excellent tash involvement too:

Some other things of note from the whole kerfuffle with Danny Huston:

When Brendan and Danny Huston faced off in Relish there was something familiar about it:

One scene is a showdown between two icons, a game of intellectual cat and mouse as both men, psychological mirror images of each other, battle for supremecy. The other one is from the film Heat.

long haired lover from Liverpool

We learn that – gasp! – neither Ste or even Macca, was the first of Brendan‘s young male companions. There was another. Young Vinnie from Liverpool, who sadly met the business end of a murder when he illadvisedly tried to bum Danny Huston. Did we spot at tear in Brendan‘s eye at the mention of him?

Broxy 4 EVA

The month didn’t start too well for the Warden alliance, Warren passive-aggressively calling Brendan a grass (see scene below) and Brendan sent to kill Warren at the behest of Danny Huston. But as we all know, a murder is nothing if not an opportunity to bond, and soon the gruesome twosome were swapping Lethal Weapon style buddy banter, where Brendan was the loose cannon and Warren was getting too old for this shit. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship. That Brendan planted Foxy’s credit card on the body is neither here nor there.

Plus, was it just us, but did they wrap Danny’s body in the exact same carpet used by killer grandad Silas to dispose of India?

STENDAN UPDATE

Cos they’re the bits we all look forward to.

date night!

Quite unexpectedly, our star cross’d lovers went on two dates in the festive season.

The first was a surreal double date where they took their respective beards to The Dog for a night of cocktails and passive aggressive banter. Noteable for Brendan‘s somewhat predictable taste for the pink ‘Have Mercy’ cocktail and that despite all of the sexual permutations on offer NO ONE GOT ANY.

Date two was even less successful, Ste managing the impossible and coaxing Brendan into a gay bar full of vested, muscled lovelies and a stylish ‘statement’ wall made of glass, presumably borrowed from Tony’s old flat. It’s hard to imagine a human being more uncomfortable in a situation, though if instead of Brendan there was a cat who had been forced to dress as a Victorian dandy then maybe it would have been slightly more awkward. Needless to say, like Rachel from Friends fleeing her wedding day, Brendan soon scarpered out a toilet window. Hope he washed his hands.

foreplay

So, seemingly gone are days when Brendan would lure Ste down to the sex dungeon under the pretence of tidying up beer barrels and then ravish him.

Instead Brendan tricked his way into Ste’s home by saying he was looking for some lost keys. Except they weren’t really lost. They were in Brendan’s pocket all along. Sneaky, but effective.

Ste hoying also became a regular fixture pre-Stendan bunk up, Brendan taking to throwing his ratboy across the room onto the nearest cushioned surface and then hopping aboard.

Oh my!

Our fave Stendan scene: FLIRTY BRENDAN ALERT

Never usually one to appreciate the lighter side of having a ratboy lover at his disposal, Brendan cracked open a bottle of banter when Ste complained about carrying crates at the SU Bar:

Brendan: “A work out will de ye good, help build up those little chicken erms of yours”

Ste *whining*: “Oh there’s 6 more crates”

Brendan: “Who knows, at the end of it you could have a…boicep”

Ste *giving Brendan a little push, channeling his inner The Only Way is Essex mojo: “Shut up!”

Brendan *whereas he’d usually respond to any physical contact in public by throwing Ste across the room (and not in a nice way), today he likes a bit of that action. He grins saucily*: “Hmmm” *pushes Ste back in an entirely non threatening fashion*

Get a room boys. Please.

Brendanisms

Our look at the sniffy, grabby Brady ways.

facegrabbing

The faces of others seem to have a irrestible pull for Brendan‘s hands. Naturally, Ste‘s little rodent face got the most attention, from an affectionate cupping of the cheek to a slightly more aggressive I Am Not Gay mouth clamp:

Danny Huston was also an unlikely recipient of Brendan‘s attentions, getting the full on cheek stroking treatment. As Brendan was keen to convince Danny of his heterosexuality this was definitely the way to go about it:

forehead

Brendan‘s forehead is the source of all his powers, a WMD ready to be unleashed should the rest of his arsenal of Brendanisms inexplicably fail. Behold how he used the forehead to convince an unenthusiastic India to participate in Double Date Night, and how the Brady forehead leads the hammer attack on Danny Huston:

pointing

Brendan likes to point. He likes to point A LOT. Here he uses it as part of his wooing of India:

Here’s a point of such magnitude that it needed two cameras to show it:

A Jedi-like point, great for opening doors:

A rare three fingered point. We like to call it ‘the flipper’:

GRRRRRAAAA moment

We haven’t seen Brendan unleash moustachioed fury on an inanimate object for a while, so we were happy when he decided to show the Chez Chez office filing cabinet who’s boss.

Brendan is boss. That’s who. And don’t you forget it, office storage solution.

threatening use of everyday objects:

As part of our regular feature, we look at what seemingly innocuous items Brendan uses to intimidate and/or seduce.

Bar glasses!

Complaining to Ste that the SU Bar glasses are dirty, you can’t escape the feeling he might jab it in ratboy’s face:

Scarves!

A stylish accessory AND a useful garroting tool:

Teatowels:

Perfect for standing menacingly at the bar and then throwing at Ste

unexpected comedic moment

Further dispelling any notions of Brendan being a slick, professional killer, he somehow ends up trapped under Danny Huston’s carpet wrapped corpse:

magical powers

Adding to his superpower CV, LOOK HOW HE EMITS LIGHT!

“oi’m just hungry for some reason”

His well documented oral fixation reached epic heights in early December, when for an entire week he ate and slurped his way through pretty much every scene. Bar snacks, danishes, toast, boiled eggs, cocktails, onion rings, a cola drink, bacon sandwiches, a Christmas bauble and his own digits, he was pretty indescriminate as to what it was he chewed on. We couldn’t pic our fave, so here’s all of them. Enjoy:

he is surprisingly lightweight

During a dramatic Stendan moment (aren’t they all?), miniscule rodent Ste is not only able to push Brendan but also send him cartwheeling backwards, arms aloft. Who knew?

lurking

If there was a GCSE for lurking menacingly  in the background of a scene then Brendan must have got an A*. Particularly when it’s from behind a wall or with a cup of tea.

athletic abilities

When Kathleen legged it out of the SU Bar after paying with a fake fifty, he vaulted the bar and gave chase. Just like Dirty Den. Only better.

“oi’m really goin te enjoy dis”

Ooh. We get to experience what it must be like being one of Brendan‘s short young male friends of indeterminate sexuality, courtesy of this Alfonse-eye-view:

at home with the bradys

Even though he occasionally robs or hospitalises her, it is via Cheryl that we see Brendan‘s less psychotic, more kittenish side. Behold how he lets her pick toast crumbs out of the tash. Imagine anyone else doing that. They’d lose an arm:

we clocked this photo stuck to their fridge door. Sums them up really:

his nooo-I-don’t-want-you-to-play-with-us- face, when she wants to join in on poker night, but, like any put upon sibling, he let her play with him and his mates. And probably shared his sweets with her too.

brendan quotes

“So you got a favourite spot you use? S’pose you have yer own proivate cemetery boi now?” his pre body disposal banter is sweetly optimistic, given that Warren‘s favourite ‘spot’ turned out to be the ornamental pond outside The Dog.

“Oi’ll keep this, yeah?”  no need to tip Brendan, he’ll just pocket your change. And rightly so.

“Two men waark into a cellar. Punch loin: only one of them waarks out” *looooong pause. Warren frowns in confusion* “D’you wanna clue? It’s me. I’m the one that…walks out”  for a brief, glorious moment we live in a world where Brendan is a stand up.

“Well tickle me pink and caal me woof” possibly the most nonsensical thing Brendan has EVER SAID.

“It must be the way you do your hair, love” yes Cheryl, it’s not the moustache, flamboyant leather clothing, nor the succession of young male companions that makes people assume Brendan is gay, it’s the HAIR.

Warren: “That’s the thing with grasses. No bottle”

*Brendan looks at Warren then LAUGHS LOUDLY (does he ever laugh any other way?) as Warren looks back fatly, chewing*

Brendan: “Yeah” *a Brendan head tilt. He stops smiling* “Yeah”

*They look at each other smokily. End of scene.*

“Oi know oi’ve made a lot of mistakes. Oi wish you’d see some good in me. Oi can change” Brendan to Ste. A plea that would have been a lot more convincing if he hadn’t murdered a gangster one week later.

Brendan: “What de ye want from me Steven?”

Ste: “For you to go on a date with meh!”

Brendan *affronted*: “What?”

Ste *hopefully*: “A bite to eat, a few drinks in public like any other normal couple”  *cue Brendan’s dead, shark-like eyes at the words “normal couple”*

“That throw’s really got me in the mooood” *growls. pounces on Ste* You can throw us anytime, Brendan. ANYTIME.

“Steven, would you rather oi ploi you with booze?” *lascivious stare* his double date banter is hot. Even when (or perhaps because) he’s necking a bright pink cocktail.

“Oi frenchie! Do oi look gay to you?” seriously, how was Alfonse supposed to answer that one?

“Next toime ye’ll be craaalin out of there wi cher teeth in yer hands…dicky bow’s noice” ah Brendan, so close to issuing a genuinely frightening threat, yet so, so far.

And we’re done. We need a lie down after that.