brendan watch 1st – 11th february

Posted on February 23, 2011 by welovehollyoaks 2 Comments

Brendan Brady. He’s a complex fellow. This has never been better demonstrated than by the first two weeks of February, where we were able to enjoy so many amazing layers of this hairy Irish onion.

The first week of the month was a celebration of Brendan’s softer side, as he became the protector of unborn chav spawn and teller of sad tales, particularly those of the dad-abandonment, child-bereavement variety. Never one to be downhearted for too long though, he not only found time to reestablish himself as the village’s friendly local drugs supplier, he also provided a unique form of couples therapy – offering advice about teenage mumhood to one half of said couple, whilst  indulging in illicit staffroom sex with the other, as apparently these two activities are mutually exclusive.

Week two unleashed fearsome Brendan: harasser of pregnant women, pen thrower and sinister enabler of child labour. He also revealed himself to be TOTALLY AT EASE IN THE COMPANY OF PROSTITUTES. If by totally at ease we mean looking like he’d gladly gnaw off his own arm and use it as a weapon to beat his way out of there (see Brendanisms below)

Anyway – he’s a homophobic gay Catholic entrepreneur, who is anti abortion and pro family, with a positive attitude towards most forms of crime- apart from any kind of mistreatment of women. Which is not allowed. Unless he is the one doing it. We’re not very clever when it comes to strokey chin stuff , so if anyone can shed some light as to Brendan’s political leanings we would LOVE to hear it.

STENDAN UPDATE

Cos those are the bits we all look forward to.

Oh, how glad we are that in soap land nothing lasts forever – particularly tearful goodbyes on staircases. So – QUICK – before the next highly fraught situation arises that makes them decide that the light of their love must be once more hidden under a bushel, let us bask in the ethereal glow of their rudely interrupted Chez Chez office tryst. Look at their startled little faces. Look at Brendan, mouth all puckered up for a kiss and Ste boldly going for a face grab. It’s like shining a flashlight into the burrow of two furtive gay bunnies. And we like it.

no more ratboy?

Has Brendan broken Ste? Far from being the strutting, insidious ratboy who gnawed and Amy-beat his way into our affections, Ste seems to have adopted a different rodent persona, often standing at the side of scenes, hands clasped, head tilted like an anxious meerkat:

britzeee update

Okay so what the eff is going on with Mitzeee? Not so long ago she masterminded/blackmailed her way into being the fake girlfriend of the local closeted gay gangster in return for his managerial prowess and unique approach to relationship management with difficult photographers. A couple of weeks on and she has done a full on T3, apparently forgetting that she is the fake girlfriend of said closeted gay gangster and getting in a right real girlfriend piss when he went off to do closeted gay gangster things. Which makes about as much sense as getting angry at a shark for mauling a swimmer to death. Anyway, that she loves the double B is obvious (and who wouldn’t), so could her secret agenda be to ignore reality and try to lure him to the land of lady love? Because that worked out really really well for Rae didn’t it.

broxy update

Despite their memorable besting of pornographer/sex pest Joseph ‘the Snaps’ Benton, Brendan and Warren were back to being frenemies, tormenting each other in ways that can only be described as being taken from ‘The Little Book of Passive Aggressive Japes for Gangsters’, including:

• flushing away your frenemy’s secret drug stash
• rearranging work rota so that your frenemy cannot take your sister out to a fancy French restaurant as secret reparation for using her club as a brothel
• taking every opportunity to tell your frenemy that you’re shagging said sister
• dissing your frenemy’s choice of knocked off random brand vodka
• trying to shag your frenemy’s gobby glamour girl fake girlfriend
• masquerading as your frenemy in order to balls up his inexplicable and protracted quest to help a pint size blonde teenage murderess escape justice

Whatever next? Cling film on loo seats?

brendan versus…

We’re always happy when Brendan shares the love around the village and this week there were three more encounters that tickled our fancy:

A darkened alleyway. A hoodie. Foxy watching from above. This night timey closetalk with the late Kyle Ryder was a thing of beauty. If only they’d wrestled. In loin cloths:

Since Ste is a bit feistier these days, Brendan is in need of another young slip of a boy to hoy around. Luckily, our beloved Doug is there to fill that void:

PRAISE BE to the Hollyverse for giving us this little gem. Proving that he can interact with the yoof of today, Brendan seeks to show Esther the error of her thieving, underage drinking ways by getting her to clean this piss/shit/vom/god knows what else covered toilet in Chez Chez. With a toothbrush.

brendanisms

Our look at the sniffy, grabby Brady ways.

administrative tasks

A successful business portfolio of nightclubs and student bars doesn’t run itself you know. So here we see his BBness diligently carrying out important tasks, such as signing things and holding folders:

We want MORE. We want to see him signing the delivery note for Chez Chez’s supply of sanitary products and we want to see it NOW.

no nom?

Perhaps all the drama over the Rae-Ste spawn or guilt for shouting it out of existence made him lose his appetite because Brendan was curiously lacking in snacking. Infact here he is rejecting a sandwich supplied by Cheryl. Or maybe he just wanted the crayfish.

lounging

Brendan strikes us a drinks on coasters, leave your shoes at the door, Monica Geller kind of person, which is why we like to see him cutting loose, feet on the table. Louche is the word.

being a really convincing straight man

Just for a second he had us fooled. Really.

m(brend)an in the mirror

Brendan was once again haunted by metaphors. Though we think the first one was simply Hollyoaks not wanting to waste an opportunity to show off his grizzly pecs. And we’re not complaining.

benevolent boss man

Okay so Brendan might occasionally slap you, or have violent sex with you against a barrel of Boddingtons, but that doesn’t mean he won’t give you a monkey (of the money not hairy variety, though he probably would find a primate for you if you wanted one cos that’s how benevolent he is) and treat your pregnant beard girlfriend to a night at the local underwear sale. Because that’s what benevolent boss men do.

At ease in his surroundings

No one does discomfort in social situations quite like Brendan, so here are two beauts:

Surrounded, in the words of Cheryl, by “heavun buh-reasts”. “I think those two will be able to control themselves” observed Mitzeee, and how right she was:

Surrounded by whoores and johns. If only we could have blocked all the exits and trapped him in there, just to see what he would have been forced to do in order to escape:

hand fest

There may have been none of the customary eating, but Brendan’s ever active hands were up to all sorts.
Pointing – obvs

A spooky, silhouetted come-with-me-if-you-want-to-live Terminator gesture

Angry gesticulations to show disapproval of pro-abortion advice recently given to young mum to be:

A dismissive wave, indicating over confidence in his choice of knocked off liquor

Ah, the Jedi point. These are not the drugs you’re looking for. Literally. Because Warren has pinched them.

Our fave – for once Brendan’s mighty paws used for the purposes of good rather than evil, to comfort poor Rae.

GRAAAAAA moment

It’s been a while since we’ve seen Brendan’s unique brand of fury that results in him looking like a rabid hare, so hip hop hooray for this attack on Rae, so terrifying it even scared in utero. Not sure what’s going on in those test tubes in the foreground though:

the smile/not smile

Vintage stuff.

fleeing

Run away Brendan! Run away from Rae’s hometruths! Run away from the ladies with their vaginas for sale!

arriving

You may not know this, but Brendan can access any home on Earth whenever he so desires. He does this by either a) utilising his unique magical power that allows him to open front doors without having a key or b) the more pragmatic hammering-on-the-door-and-when-it-is-opened-barging-in technique

Sleep safe in your beds, folks!

face grabbing

Whether you’re an incompetent drug dealer or pregnant chav, your face will be equally fascinating to Brendan. If he ever met the blind girl from the video of Lionel Richie’s Hello, we imagine they’d have a lot to talk about.

menacing use of everyday objects

As part of our regular feature, we look at what seemingly innocuous items Brendan uses to intimidate and/or seduce.

Teatowels!

In  December they were used to throw at Ste. This time around, he employs them to act out a sinister twirling, snake charming type activity:

Toothbrush!

Though why he had a tooth brush lying around in Chez Chez we know not. And don’t want to.

through the round window

Sadface Brendan through the ‘O’

stealthy brendan

Only a cat with a bell on its collar would be less able to sneak up on someone:

Dropping some eaves on Warren’s Kyle Ryder-related chat with Theresa, we are genuinely surprised that Brendan didn’t get a glass and hold it against the door.

the many faces of Brady

If a picture is worth a thousand words then Brendan’s face is worth an entire dictionary. So we thought we’d take a moment to celebrate the myriad of expressions the double B has at his disposal:

my-secret-boy-lover’s-pregnant-beard-girlfriend-is-going-to-have-an-abortion-and-AS-GOD-IS-MY-WITNESS-I-shall-not-allow-this-to-happen face:

my-secret-drugs-stash-has-been-stolen-so-I’m-going-to-open-the-door-and-look-wildly-around-in-the-hope-that-I-can-identify-the-thief-with-the-power-of-my-WIDE-EYES-AND-ANGRY-MOUSTACHE face:

I’m-going-to-mask-my-inner-conflict-about-my-ratboy-lover-by-being-suspiciously-kind-to-his-pregnant-beard-girlfriend-and-encourage-her-to-attend-an-Anne-Summers-style-knicker-sale-where-she-can-peruse-underwear-that-is-probably-highly-unsuitable-for- pregnancy face:

my-boy-lover-is-going-to-tell-the-world-about-his-sexuality-and-I’ve-just-thrown-my-pen! face:

trying-to-appear-friendly-and-unintimidating-in-the-hope-that-blonde-teenage-murderess-will-tell-me-why-she-is-having-secret-meetings-with-Foxy face, which is not to be confused with his I-have-a-tea-towel-over-my-shoulder-and-I-like-it face:

oh-crap-the-pregnant-girlfriend-of-my-boy-lover-who-I’ve-just-been-screaming-at-is-having-stomach-pains-and-even-though-it’s-medically-unlikely-that-this-is-my-fault-I-am-probably-going-to-get-the-blame face:

my-boy-lover’s-pregnant-beard-girlfriend-is-telling-me-some-hometruths-about-my-secretive/homocidal-attitude-towards-my-sexuality-so-I-will-chew-gum-slowly-to-indicate-how-much-I-don’t-like-it face:

you’ve-booked-me-a-hooker?-BRILL! face:

argh-my-attempt-to-balls-up-my-frenemy’s-inexplicable-and-protracted-quest-to-help-a-pint-size-blonde-teenage-murderess-escape-justice-has-put-said-murderess-and-her-child-in-danger-and-this-is-totally-at-odds-with-my-rule-of-not-hurting-women-or-children-ARRGH-what-do-to?-I’m-going-to-have-to-tell-Foxy-what-he-wants-to-know-or-else-force-myself-to-compromise-my-own-rigorously-enforced-moral-code-aren’t-I?-shoite face:

you-did-a-very-bad-thing-last-night face with matching body language. Similar to his I’ve-been-forced-to-go-to-a-gaybar stance:

Our fave however was his you’ve-just-flushed-away-my-stash-of-drugs?-I-hate-you-Warren-I-HATE-YOU!! face. Priceless:

quotes

Rae to Ste: “I wish you’d never met him <Brendan>. He’s got some kind of spell over you” you know what, Rae, you might be right. Literally.

“She’s <Rae> got the perfect set up to have a kid” yep, Brendan, Rae really is living the dream.

“What’s the matter? Get out the wrong side of Ste’s bed this morning?” *cue Muttley laugh* Mitzeee amuses herself, Brendan smiles/not smiles

Doug: “Who says I want drugs?”

Brendan: “It’s written all over ye faaaaaace”

Brendan. Never knowingly undereggs a sentence.

Doug: “I’m doing this <buying drugs for a bereaved, vulnerable young woman who he wants to shag> because I care!”

Brendan: “Hahahahahahaha HA!” *performs scary biting action*

Warren *feigning sincerity*: “I wouldnt hurt Cheryl for the world”

*Brendan leans…in…slowly. Then LAUGHS*

“Wanna go see some women strip down to their undies? GRRA!” Brendan, bless your attempts to mimic the behaviour of straight men. Bless them.

“HOW DO YOU GET IN HERE WHENEVER YOU WANT??” finally, Rae questions Brendan’s ability to access her home at any time.

“The thing is, Brendan, who really cares about what you are except you?” HOMETRUTHS from Rae.

“Nobody wants to see the person they care about with somebody else” *surreptitious longing look at Brendan* oh, Mitzeee.

“Oi couldn’t passibly comment” Brendan, on the attractiveness of Warren. He probably would though, right?

“Ask around, oi’m not very…big on jokes” believe it or not, Brendan, you actually are (see below)

Brendan to Ste: “Not even a hello? Is it your hormones? With the baby on the way it’s the hormones?”

Ste: “She saw me an you snogging each other’s faces off!”

Brendan: “Really. Was it that good a kiss?”

Surprisingly, Ste didn’t appreciate the BB banter one bit. Fool.

Ste <on Brendan’s noseying into Foxy’s business>: “I don’t want yer to get hurt”

Brendan: “Is that roit? Ah”

Aw, Brendan manages to accept some words of affection without bloodshed.

“Clean up, choppity chop” unlikely as this would seem, Brendan channels his inner Poppins.

Rae: “I just want him to be honest about who he is. Gay”

Brendan: “Ah ha?”

Rae: “Like you”

Brendan *GRAAAA moment unleashed*: “I’m nat gay!” Perhaps he should start wearing this statement on a badge or something.

“Oi loike happy endings” strangely, this makes us feel sad. Makes us imagine Happy Endings by Pulp as the theme tune for Stendan. If Stendan was a Mike Leigh film. Sadface.

mmmoustache love

At long last, the Brady tash is getting the recognition it deserves.

Warren *mimicking a tash stroke*: “Is it because of the tash?”

Yes Warren. IT IS.

Mitzeee: “Aw it’s a shame. I wasnt’ sure about that tash at first but now I think it’s pretty sexy”

Brendan: “Oi’m gonna take that as a compliment”