“just one more thing…”

Posted on June 13, 2011 by welovehollyoaks 3 Comments

There have been many fine television detectives. Columbo. Taggart. Inspector Gadget. So we thought it was about time we pay tribute to crime fighter currently striking fear into the heart of Chester’s criminal fraternity. For despite having solved NO crimes whatsoever, Ethan still manages to look perpetually smug. Why? Because he has a plan:

There are currently not one, not two, not even three but FOUR murderers at large in the village – but don’t be fooled into thinking this is down to any incompetence on DCI Scott’s part. No – he is just toying with them. Look how he toys with them!

Silas – despite the bodies of dead women lining the streets of Chester whenever you are around, I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt because you’re Riley’s granddad and GRANDDAD’S DON’T MURDER PEOPLE. What’s that, Lynsey? You caught him rifling through your knicker draw? LALALALALALALA *hands on ears* I can’t hear you.

Brendan – I am going to arrest you for Rebecca’s murder. Why? Because my housemate said you did it. Oh, and because you were seeing India – a fact I overlooked at the time. I am not going to suspect you for Danny Huston’s murder though. I don’t care how many times you start weeping about how you ‘didn’t kill him’. No. Stop it. Stop wailing.

Foxy. Well, I’m going to get you for Louise‘s murder. But instead of questioning you about it I am going to instigate a convoluted and no doubt highly illegal honeytrap involving Mitzeee and her mother, who is now a prostitute for the purposes of this storyline. Just to keep you on your toes, I will arrest you for the murder of Danny Huston, because after murdering someone the thing you obviously do is plant your credit card on them. The murder of Sean Kennedy and the identity of the poor random whose body was incorrectly identified as yours is, however, IRRELEVENT. I’ll get you Foxy! Foxy? Are you listening to me? No I’m not bob-a-jobbing!

Theresa – can we go to second base yet?

Clearly this is all part of an intricate game of cat and mouse.  Soon he will close the net and bring them all to justice. Any day now.

Incidentally, his interrogation technique resembles that of the goblin faced child in the Haribo advert who terrorizes her own dad:

Sign the fession!