Let the game begin…

Posted on November 1, 2011 by Mrs_Fox 2 Comments

After what seemed like an eternity gadding about in France (where we are to presume he doesn’t do too much murdering, French women obviously being much more classy than the fine young ladies of Hollyoaks) HE’S BACK! And he’s better than ever. Looks like his gallivanting (as my mother would say) has made him even more blood-thirsty and in one short week he has not only done a kidnap (that’s the technical term) but he’s also had time to break into several flats to plant chess pieces, send Lynsey some intriguing clues done in fine calligraphy on expensive note paper, creep around like…. a creep and do a MURDER. Finally.

It’s not that we love a murder, that we enjoy heartbreak, despair, depressing storylines and the inevitable weeks of crying, vandalism and sulking consistently brought on by killings, but….. actually, we do love it. It’s amazing. “Serial Killer Strikes Again” – a much better headline than “Darren is Mobbed at Mobs” (a Nancy special there). Besides, it’s not just the murder itself, it’s the build up, the preamble, the appetizer. And Silas’ starters this week involved a little game.  Silas is a huge fan of games, the clever chess analogy has been ongoing for about three billion episodes now and while he would probably be more concerned with girls who are on the game (see what I did there) this week he put together a clever set of clues to torment our Lynsey. Poor girl.

To be honest, without wishing to appear to be a Lynsey fan (which I’m not) I do feel a bit sorry for her. Everyone thinks she’s mental, and she’s not doing much to quash these rumours. Running round the village screaming at Silas, telling Texas and Theresa they’re going to be murdered for being sluts (“Who called her a slut?!” exclaimed Will, clearly appalled that someone could think this of Theresa who slept with Tony when she was fifteen, had a baby with her cousin’s fiancé and an affair with her friend’s boyfriend. Shocking, eh Will?) probably isn’t the best way to go about things. Somehow she managed to get Doug to believe what sounds like a heap of nonsense and roped (haha) him into helping her solve Silas‘ clues. Lets hope Lynsey never plays Cluedo because she has little grasp of the concept of clues. Rule 1, if someone tells you the clue over the phone – write it down!! “Something about an angel” and the “fourth Sunday in Lent” – anyone with Google could have figured out that it’s Mothering Sunday and about seventy episodes later they did. This did little to help them though with half of Hollyoaks being young, single mothers. And instead of assessing the clues logically, Lynsey had a mental breakdown in the SU, screamed at Texas and Theresa and had to be physically restrained by Dodger (jeal). She then proceeded to ruin Cheryl’s “Fright Night” which was a normal night in Chez Chez but with fancy dress, spooky lighting and a few Poundland special Halloween decorations; Lee would have tarted that place up for a grand, you missed out there, Chez. To be fair, that’s what Cheryl gets for not believing Lynsey’s clearly veracious claims that the kind elderly village grandfather is the crazed serial killer. Lynsey pleaded with everyone to remove their masks, made people think she was more crazy than they thought before (something I didn’t previously think was possible) and the party fell apart. The potential victims stormed off into the dark night, alone, on Halloween (clever girls in Hollyoaks) and essentially invited Silas, complete with gloves and rope, to murder them.

But who would he choose? His options were endless, Theresa, whose slut credentials have already been covered, Texas who’s in Dodger’s bed more than most students have had hot dinners, Amy who has two kids by different dads and is a single mother again now that Lee has left us once more….. Choices, choices. The difficult life of a serial killer. Bets had been going all week (between my friends and I at least) about who might face an untimely death but Silas shocked us all. After sending a Catwoman costume to Lynsey he failed to realise that HIS OWN DAUGHTER had conveniently chosen the same slutty outfit and in the darkness the murderous instincts took over and….. BYE BYE HEIDI. Clearly thinking her to be Texas, or possibly even Lynsey – he’s not fussy our Silas, he whispered sweet nothings “parting is such sweet sorrow” etc, revealing himself to be the killer to his daughter before she drifted off into the glory land where past Hollyoaks’ characters go (University adverts, Dancing on Ice, Coronation Street and the like).

Awkward. It must be a nightmare if you’re a serial killer, intent on ridding the world of promiscuous harlots, and doing quite well until you mistakenly kill your own daughter because of a costume-induced confusion. A disaster indeed. So, what do you do? Chances are, there’s not an app for that. Silas looked appropriately surprised, shocked, horrified, upset and showed some genuine emotion which is probably more than he did when he murdered his wife (we’re all agreed he did that, yes?) And the wig slipping to reveal Heidi’s (probably fake) blonde locks was a moment of Holloaks genius indeed.

And so what happens now? This isn’t going to help Lynsey much – no one’s going to believe Silas would murder his own daughter if they refuse to entertain the possibility that he could have killed a few girls with loose morals. Lynsey’s going to be terribly confused – none of the clues pointed towards this and unless Silas texts her to explain what happened another mental breakdown is on the cards. And Silas is probably going to fall apart, go on a killing rampage and murder nearly all the village’s inhabitants. Well, we can dream.