Living the teenage dream

Posted on November 30, 2011 by Mrs_Fox 1 Comment

There are a lot of things we all love about Hollyoaks – the way they deal with hard-hitting issues in a serious and yet light-hearted manner, the way that no story is too big….. but there are a few things that are hard to love – most usually, the students. And in particular, the new “sixth-formers”. As “college students” you’d expect they’d be mature, sensible and above silly, petty arguments. But of course, they’re not.

This week was no exception with the highlight being….. a night out. In the tiny village they live in (although where do Maddie, Tilly etc actually live?!) where everyone knows them and the fact that they’re underage. This didn’t stop them though and now the girls are best friends again (it’s so hard to keep up) a “girls’ night was planned” where they ventured as far as….. Chez Chez wearing what no respecting seventeen (are they seventeen?) year-old should be wearing. Although then again, they don’t have much self respect. The “girls’ night” mainly consisted of leaning over the barrier chatting about something called the “copulatory gaze” (ugh), a contest where Maddie was undefeated; definitely something to put on the CV. Unfortunately, Callum being “above” stupid games and sex gazes looked away and Maddie’s crown started to slip.

The night out was getting more dramatic by the second! I don’t want to be overly sarcastic but when I go on nights out we have far more fun – there’s no stupid gazing games and we don’t spend all night sipping the same drink. Regardless of the fact that they seem to have had about half of a glass of champagne each, Maddie was….. drunk. And with college in the morning? How irresponsible. Her drunken state led her to believe that trying to make Callum jealous by using Joel as a pawn in her clever game was a great idea. And what’s the moral of the story? Don’t drink and flirt. At first it looked like that plan might actually almost work, at least she got Callum’s attention but Joel, who instantly assumed she was the type of girl who’d go home with him (a fair assumption given her outfit) got all crazy. “I’m a nice girl” claimed Maddie (lie), “I’m a gentleman” said Joel (double lie). “I thought you were happy just to look at me.” Who says that?! Well, apparently Maddie says that. And as punishment for think so much of herself, she was left alone, outside, crying in the alleyway. It happens to us all, love.

In a weird sort of a way, her plan worked. Apparently incapable of any real emotion or facial expressions, Callum cannot resist a girl in distress – “are you really going to leave me, like this?” Well, no, he wasn’t. Because he is a bit of a gentleman, unlike creepy leery DJ Joel. And off they went on a lovely walk through the park which “wasn’t a date” – thank goodness. I don’t know much about dating, but what I do know tells me that a drunken walk through a park after a drunken night in a poor-quality club is not a date. Trying to be nice, Maddie bought him a coffee….. we all know what “coffee” means. Joel declined however and instead ate the chips she bought (good place for a burger van – Chez Chez is clearly FULL of custom); maybe not so much of a gentleman. Their romantic evening was just lovely, full of flirting and back-handed compliments and a game where the prize was “stay with Maddie ’til sunrise” – even as the most competitive person in the world, I’d be deliberately losing that game. Miss Plays-It-Cool decided she “could get used to this” which Callum thought wasn’t a good idea – “why?” asked the Ice Queen. Well, I’m fairly sure that when you drunkenly kiss a guy it’s not the best idea to instantly assume he’s your bf – he’s not.

Another tantrum from Maddie, the queen of foot-stomping, ensued and the next day things were all awkward again. Maddie, looking incredibly fresh for someone who’d been out “partying” ’til at least half past 11 was cajoled into telling the truth about DJ Joel, a story where she doesn’t come across well, a story which I’d most certainly be keeping quiet. She also admitted to kissing weird Callum, using “I was wasted” (were you?!) as an excuse. No excuse.

Callum, who clearly loves Maddie even though he’s still hung up on the mysterious Tara (who better be making her on-screen debut soon) did the whole “sticking up for her thing” which didn’t faze angry Joel at all. No wonder. He’s surely about twenty-five (although somehow Warren’s son) and therefore not easily intimidated by sixth-form college kids with bad moustaches. Also doing some work on behalf of her friend was Tilly, who marched into the boys’ toilets in a badly-patterned poncho and told Callum to “keep things one-to-one”. Callum not being the type to hang out with annoying lesbians, camp George or girls who wear as much eyeliner as Sinead probably didn’t need this warning and was suitably uninterested.

And so the drama continues! Will Maddie go on a date with too-old-too-Scottish Joel? Will Joel get the chance to show Maddie his  ”equipment”? Will Callum admit he likes Maddie? Will Maddie admits she likes Callum? Will we ever meet Tara? Will Tilly get any more numbers? Will Sinead ever get out of bed? Undoubtedly, we’ll find out soon, there’s never dull moment at Hollyoaks’ sixth-form college. All answers coming soon to a screen near you. And Jeremy Kyle soon after.