The “Lady” is a Tramp

Posted on February 9, 2012 by Mrs_Fox No Comments

We all know the feeling, the awkward moment when you get a new job as a cleaner at the hospital and realise that one of doctors is the guy you had sex with last night, sex he paid you for. Wait, no, we don’t all know that feeling. Because that would NEVER happen. Because, we are NOT Mercedes McQueen.

Mercedes McQueen is however, Mercedes McQueen. Or should that be Mercedes “escort” McQueen as she has moved on from simply sleeping with any guy in sight who has a pulse, she now accepts money for it too. To be honest, it’s something she should have started doing long ago, at least she’d have had enough money by now to stop dressing like a hooker. After a wild night out on a Sunday with a doctor which screams unprofessional and problems with the NHS, she tried to trick Myra into believing she’d managed to get a job in the space of twenty seconds. Turns out, in these tough economic times, it is that easy to find a job in Hollyoaks, as long as it’s not in Tony’s coffee shop, Chez Chez or The Dog. After getting the job instantly even though she has no credentials or experience and probably hasn’t cleaned anything before in her life, Mercedes spent her time at work pouting, doing very little cleaning and flirting with the doctor who had previously paid her for sex. Pretty sure that once you’ve accepted money for sex there’s not much point in the whole flirting thing.

To give her credit, which in this situation is very difficult, Mercedes hadn’t actually intended to be a prostitute, she’d just stolen his money which meant we had to consider whether prostitution or theft is worse. As theft is quite common in Hollyoaks ranging from Gaz and Lauren’s stealing of confectionery from Drive & Buy (they’d never have got away with that in Price Slice) and to the money in envelopes exploits of Warren and Brendan, prostitution is infinitely more exciting. And with Mercedes’ track record it was pretty much inevitable. After admitting to Lynsey that she’d had sex with Doctor Love, although neglecting to mention that she’d lightened his wallet, Lynsey revealed that apparently he’s the doctor all the nurses are after which is strange considering he’s hardly David Beckham. Or Darren Osbourne.

After a lot of pointless flirting, stupid dates and strange flattery of Mercedes (including her bedroom talents – MY EARS!), we got tired of Mercedes’ attempts to take the moral high-ground and pretend she wasn’t a hooker. The only difference between now and a month ago is that she didn’t charge people for it then. The one perk of her new lifestyle is that she also managed to expand her criminal repertoire by indulging in a spot of blackmail and helping Lynsey get her nursing job back. Definitely don’t think I’ll be visiting Hollyoaks Hospital anytime soon since firstly, it’s not very clean, secondly, the cleaners are dressed like sluts, thirdly, the doctors seem incompetent and the nurses have jobs based on the blackmailing talents of hookers.

Although Mercedes adds to her list of negative qualities by the second she’s not that bad, she did help Lynsey and she did do at least three minutes of cleaning in her week of “having a real job”. However, all “good deeds” aside, she did start the week having casual sex with a man whose job description she was completely unaware of, stealing his money, spending more of his money on dates with him which ended with him paying her for sex, and then she finished the week quitting her cleaning job and deciding to become an actual prostitute. Dr Cheats With Hookers certainly thinks her skills are worth paying for, lets be honest, they can’t be any worse than her cleaning. And she’s certainly had a lot of practice.