Are they on? Are they off? Does Mitzeee want to date a murderer? Does she want to save herself or reach the same fate as Louise? Turns out all she wants is a pink bedroom which apparently makes the chance of being brutally strangled on her wedding day worth it. It was a week of [...]

Incompetence – everyone hates it. And you know what everyone hates more? Incompetence, in carrying out detective activities! Like, I’m pretty sure that Sherlock Holmes would be generally detested by all if he was shite at doing detective work such as finding murderers and stuff. And if he wasn’t so damn charming all the time. [...]

No, we’re not standing in the door of the Pink Flamingo crying in the rain, we sometimes wish we were, it would be fabulous.  No, is it just us, or is the Oaks going through one of its revolving door/one-in-one-out phases at the moment?  It’s like being on one of Dennis’s beloved roundabouts, and every [...]

We’ve been trying to think when there was ever a more useless copper on the screen than DC Ethan Scott.  Is he incompetent?  Or just plain BAD?  It took us a while, but then we hit on it.  Based on his form, hapless plod Ethan is the new Inspector Clouseau.  Picture the scene: DI Busty-Blonde [...]

I’ve been avoiding this.  But I just can’t duck out of it any longer.  Here we go.  *cracks knuckles* So.  Bart and Sinead.  It’s been going on a long time, right?  Can anyone remember how it started?  Is anyone still bovvered?  Because we’re struggling.  Let’s recap. About 453 years ago, Sinead had the hots for [...]

We knew from the start that Silas kind of sucked at being a village murderer. For one thing, he went for months having killed only two victims, leaving pretty much everyone questioning his status as a “serial” killer. Alas, he eventually got his act together, offing victim #3 – Rebecca/Becks/Jenny/whatever her real name actually was. [...]

Last week we saw the SHOCKING revelation of Mercy’s sexy time affair with her hubby-to-be’s Pa, Carl! Riley, confused and betrayed as he was, ran off on a presumably murderous rampage. Old Man Silas, Hollyoak’s personal ladykiller, on the other hand, sticks around to cast an eeevil look at… someone. Us! There is indeed something [...]

We know Brendan, we know. But alas, the whole village was quick to jump to the conclusion that the lovable Irishman was a moiderer. Not that he can be too outraged since he did kill Danny Houston. Badly. At least if he was responsible for these killings it would be an improvement of his murdering [...]

Wise words there from Theresa, yes, it is a categorical fact that there are no serial killers in Ibiza. Having been unsuccessful in making it to Ibiza however, Theresa decided to recreate the exotic holiday…. at the McQueen’s. Being absolutely nothing like Ibiza, the “holiday” has consisted mainly of wearing nothing but a bikini, an [...]

You know what it’s like. You go away on holiday and when you come back all sorts of things have changed – newspapers have shut down, there’s another Beckham in the world and, oh yes, there’s only some new bits in the Hollyoaks opening sequence! Of course, the opening sequence went through a major metamorphosis [...]