We all know the feeling, the awkward moment when you get a new job as a cleaner at the hospital and realise that one of doctors is the guy you had sex with last night, sex he paid you for. Wait, no, we don’t all know that feeling. Because that would NEVER happen. Because, we [...]

In keeping with the wonderful festive cheer always portrayed by TV soaps, the end of the Christmas period saw Hollyoaks’ best cat-fight, a bitch-fest to rival all others. It all kicked off when Carmel finally asked why she hadn’t been paid in about a billion years which seems pretty obvious considering there’s never anyone in [...]

There is an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that is so yucky-poo sickly sweet that it’s divided fans for the last however-many-years it’s been since that episode in which Vampire Angel is visited by the Ghost of Vampire Victims past but it turns out it was just a ploy by the First Evil to [...]

We’ve been trying to think when there was ever a more useless copper on the screen than DC Ethan Scott.  Is he incompetent?  Or just plain BAD?  It took us a while, but then we hit on it.  Based on his form, hapless plod Ethan is the new Inspector Clouseau.  Picture the scene: DI Busty-Blonde [...]

Everyone likes Brendan, right? It’s just one of those things. There’s something strangely alluring about a man with a handlebar moustache that big. He may have issues (the dismissal of his underlying gayness, beating up unsuspecting ratboys, accidentally assaulting his own sister, going back for more ratboy beating, grabbing Doug’s face, emotionally manipulating most people [...]

“For crying out loud open your eyes for once! Silas is guilty as sin. As I have been telling you all this time” – Just in case they forgot for five minutes I have to confess that I haven’t always been Lynsey’s biggest fan. A year ago I would have said that her only function [...]

We knew from the start that Silas kind of sucked at being a village murderer. For one thing, he went for months having killed only two victims, leaving pretty much everyone questioning his status as a “serial” killer. Alas, he eventually got his act together, offing victim #3 – Rebecca/Becks/Jenny/whatever her real name actually was. [...]

It is now. Well, sort of. It all came crashing down for Silas, like an urn dropping from the hands of our second-favourite Oirish girl, his hopes and dreams of ridding the world of likely Jeremy Kyle candidates fell apart. Gutted. Obviously, it must have been a nightmare for Lynsey being the village crazy who [...]

After what seemed like an eternity gadding about in France (where we are to presume he doesn’t do too much murdering, French women obviously being much more classy than the fine young ladies of Hollyoaks) HE’S BACK! And he’s better than ever. Looks like his gallivanting (as my mother would say) has made him even more [...]

We know Brendan, we know. But alas, the whole village was quick to jump to the conclusion that the lovable Irishman was a moiderer. Not that he can be too outraged since he did kill Danny Houston. Badly. At least if he was responsible for these killings it would be an improvement of his murdering [...]