Baby Foxy Joel fancies himself a big man. And who can blame him? His Pa, Wazza, was one of the baddest tough guys to ever grace the streets of Hollyoaks in a puffer jacket. Alas, Joel is a character more reminiscent of the “mature” Warren – the one who mostly sat on the couch and [...]

You guys! What is UP with those hot lesbianz of Hollyoaks!? They r so alternative! But seriously, when does Tilly, Hollyoaks’ sixth form’s resident lesbian, actually get any action? Never, that’s when! Which is surprising considering she has a perfectly attractive physical presence and a good-natured spirit! So imagine my wonder when some Mystery Lady [...]

Callum and Maddie. Maddie and Callum. Mallum and Caddie. Turn it any way you like, but this couple is definitely a match made in heaven. I mean, which two people would get along better than a boy with the personality of a cardboard box and a girl who thinks everything is always about Maddie (like, [...]

It’s not easy being a member of a family of robots in a village populated entirely by real humans. Everyone’s too busy eating and breathing and being alive to pay all that much attention to you. It gets awfully dull when you’re forced to enter hibernation mode at night whilst everybody else replenishes with sleep [...]

Jono and Ruby – most convincing couple ever – are finally going steady after Jono decides he doesn’t care about the opinion of a calculating, manipulative banshee who thinks she’s the epitome of adulthood just because she goes to sixth form college (Maddie). Like, it’s not even a real college? It’s a sixth form college, [...]

Sometimes things happen that make you realise that you can never really know someone. As in TRULY know who a person is; their desires, their dreams, their emotional capabilities, their sexual orientation, how they think of other human beings, and so on. For decades, sociologists and psychologists have attempted to make sense of “the self” [...]

There is an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that is so yucky-poo sickly sweet that it’s divided fans for the last however-many-years it’s been since that episode in which Vampire Angel is visited by the Ghost of Vampire Victims past but it turns out it was just a ploy by the First Evil to [...]

Those super cool sixth formers breezed into Hollyoaks in September with promises of fun, frolicking and not actually going to school (as well as the mystery of where the hell do these people even live?). I can’t say that a lot has really happened with those cool kids, and last week’s Bore & Boringer storyline [...]

Incompetence – everyone hates it. And you know what everyone hates more? Incompetence, in carrying out detective activities! Like, I’m pretty sure that Sherlock Holmes would be generally detested by all if he was shite at doing detective work such as finding murderers and stuff. And if he wasn’t so damn charming all the time. [...]

Oh dear, things haven’t been all that great for poor Jason Costello. First, as Jasmine, she was molly coddled and forced to be a “lady” by Heidi (God rest her soul), then there was the whole Bart débâcle – Will they? Won’t they? Does Bart love Jasmine? Does Jasmine love Bart? Does anybody care? Oh, [...]