The return of boytoy Riley Costello has reminded us of many things. That he is FOOTBALLER (lest we forget). That he looks really really hot when he cries (known as the Darren Osborne effect). That it’s been way too long since we had relatives snogging in Hollyoaks and that Mercedes is so much more fun [...]

Oh dear, things haven’t been all that great for poor Jason Costello. First, as Jasmine, she was molly coddled and forced to be a “lady” by Heidi (God rest her soul), then there was the whole Bart débâcle – Will they? Won’t they? Does Bart love Jasmine? Does Jasmine love Bart? Does anybody care? Oh, [...]

Riley is the answer to that question, which came as no surprise to any of us since Carl had already planned to move to America (interesting change of cull-location) and although he could have an affair with his son’s fiancée, keep it quiet and allow him to marry her, force his other son into keeping [...]

No, we’re not standing in the door of the Pink Flamingo crying in the rain, we sometimes wish we were, it would be fabulous.  No, is it just us, or is the Oaks going through one of its revolving door/one-in-one-out phases at the moment?  It’s like being on one of Dennis’s beloved roundabouts, and every [...]

We knew from the start that Silas kind of sucked at being a village murderer. For one thing, he went for months having killed only two victims, leaving pretty much everyone questioning his status as a “serial” killer. Alas, he eventually got his act together, offing victim #3 – Rebecca/Becks/Jenny/whatever her real name actually was. [...]

Carl Costello and Silas Blisset. Two characters, both alike in dignity, in fair Hollyoaks where we lay our scene. No I’m not suggesting there’s some sort of homoerotic connection between the two gentlemen, that would be just one step too far! But they are alike, though probably not in dignity? Unless they’re both alike in [...]

Woah there!  What in the name of juvenile delinquency is going on here?  Something has gone wrong with Jason.  He seemed like such a nice lad.  Last week, he turned into a little prick.  Overnight.  Before he had a chance to get one of his own.  Ironic. Here is the general gist of our Oaks [...]

I don’t know about YOU guys, but I will always have a special place in my heart for Mitzeee that is labelled “Mitzeee’s special place in Miriam’s heart” or something to that effect. Not only is she smart AND funny AND pretty, but she totally wears the pants in the whole Mitzeee/Warren relationship. And I [...]

OH EM EFFING GEE. The Mercy & Riley wedding promo is all kinds of amazing: After literally dozens of viewings it is still difficult to decide which is the best bit – such a feast it is for the eyes: Carmel’s bountiful breasts. The perfect union of song choice and oops-I-slept-with-my-fiance’s-dad-and-he-might-be-the-father-of-my-unborn-child storyline. Flinty eyed Carl [...]

We’re looking for a good time….etc Anyway, we don’t know what they’ve been putting in the beer over in Hollyoaks village lately, but the men folk have been up to all sorts. Here’s our A-Z of the goings on: Alistair Bad times for the dapper pensioner, having to suffer the indignity death by falling/being pushed [...]