Cheryl

Buxom big-hearted Riverdancer Cheryl Brady, never knowingly underdressed, arrived from Belfast as the ex of lovely Malachy Fisher.  She subsequently lowered her standards to throw herself at a series of beefcake types with balls bigger than their brains, including Calvin, Gilly and Warren, all of whom ended up ditching her for waifier types.  The bastards.

She finally stumbled on some of the luck of the stereotypically Irish when she won a different kind of packet on a scratch card, and moustachioed half brother Brendan appeared by her side, almost as if he could sniff the money out from across the Irish Sea.  Which he probably could.  He helped her to buy and run the club, which she renamed Chez Chez (“It’s classy”), filled with green neon and anorexic  statues, and turned into the dark centre of the Hollyverse.

Cheryl follows her own special logic, which means that once she’s made up her mind about someone, hell will freeze over before she changes it.  This leads her into some strange paradoxes, currently involving offering a home and employment to sleazy possible rapist Gilly, while leading the campaign to get the Tache out of porridge for triple murder.  She also thinks Silas, who she’s known for 2 minutes, is a cuddly ole fella, and has thrown out best mate forever (and mentalist) Lynsey for suggesting otherwise.  Sometimes, we despair of her.

Special features:

Least effective gaydar in the world.  She thought Alphonse/Trev was gay, and that was after she shagged him.  She was clueless about Macca.  She went after camp-as-Christmas Noah for a day or two.   And she spectacularly failed to spot Brendan and Ste were at it like gay rabbits for months, even when someone TOLD HER TO HER FACE.  She could have walked in on them in flagrante on the desk and she’d still have believed they were sorting out the rotas.

One half of the best brother-sister combo the show has ever had.

McQueen index: 0

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