Lynsey

Arriving from Norn Ireland in 2010 as Cheryl’s oldest mate, Lynsey had the privilege of doing pretty much nothing at all for the first 6 months, apart from show off her versatility as Dee Valley Hospital’s solitary medical professional.  Luckily, she is equally qualified to treat such well-known soap conditions as baby-related depression/theft (Diane), “The Aids” (Mercy), non-specific fire-related injuries (poor Mal *sniff*), car-related suicide attempts (Jason), stabbing (Bart), the ingestion of dodgy steroids (Seth), dodgy diet pills (Cheryl), and heart attacks (Silas).  I’ve probably missed some.  It’s like Piccadilly Gardens on a Saturday night down that place.

This all changed when Lynsey unwisely let Lee and Jamil persuade her to dress her up as a “sexy nurse” and appear on webcam advising students on their sexual behaviour, thus activating what I think is sometimes referred to as Silas Blissett’s slutdar.  He duly reached for the murder gloves but dim but heroic Riley heard her screams and came to the rescue.  Since then, it’s been one long homicidal game of psycho-chess to rival Karpov v Kasparov, with Lynsey wandering Cassandra-like around the village telling anyone who won’t listen “It was SIALASSS!  He’s the MURRDERER!”  Although she has had a couple of tactical victories (boshing Silas over the head with a rock), on the whole, we’d say Silas is ahead, with three bodies in the bag, everyone in the village thinking Lynsey is a nutjob, and her only champion now banged up in jail for the crimes.  She’s even lost her job, so try not to get ill.  Nice one, Lyns.

McQueen index: 0 – however she does earn kudos for boffing Mercedes’ hubby Mal

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