Tom

STAY AWAY FROM THIS CHILD

Like asbestos or a zombie apocalypse, perpetual orphan Tom Cunningham equals death for those around him.

His first victims were his own parents, Mr C and Helen dying in a car accident which Tom himself survived.

Half brother and adoptive guardian Max was later killed as he pushed Tom out of the way of a moving car (driven by Vile Niall).

Psychotic wannabe father figure Vile Niall also died, when an attempt to woo Steph atop a mountain went suicidally wrong.

And now Steph herself  is not much longer for this world, depending on whether cancer or a fiery death gets her first.

Now we’re not saying Tom caused these calamities – no, actually we are. This kid is made of PURE EVIL.

Infact the only way we can see this pint sized Grim Reaper  being thwarted is when/if he is placed in the guardianship of Mandy, the only person in Hollyoaks more cursed than he is. Indeed, how these two portents of doom could co-exist is a tantalising prospect. Will the crossing of these two deadly streams reverse the polarity flow of Hollyoaks, bringing about the end of the village, Chester, the universe? We shall see.

Then there’s the unnerving issue of his perpetual child like state. Tom doesn’t age.

Our suspicions as to why this could be:

• He regularly bathes in the blood of virgins (though as virginal blood is a rare commodity in Hollyoaks village this is unlikely)
• There is a portrait of him in Frankie’s loft that ages instead of him
• He is a robot. Or a puppet. Or a vampire.

Either way, if you see this chubby faced moppet heading in your direction RUN LIKE THE WIND.

McQueen index: 0

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